Letters to California Prisoner #2: Sunny’s Reply
(Certain parts of correspondence optimized for readability. Consent for public correspondence granted. This is apart of the Southeast Asian Prison Outreach Project, created to build communities between folks on the inside with folks outside that acknowledges how incarceration makes people invisible — particularly ethnic minorities [like Southeast Asians within the system]. If you are interested in serving as a pen-pal writing letters to someone who is currently incarcerated [you do not need to be Southeast Asian or a Berkeley student], click here).
Sup Sunny,
I’m doing alright. Just visited family in Southern California. Learned a lot about family, and who I am. It feels good hearing family stories, mistakes they made, how I am like every one of my family members. We are an average of the five people we spend most of our time with. I am an average of my family. And my family is strong.
Thanks for getting back Sunny. Much appreciated. This SEAPOP outreach program is simply a pen pal program, y’all write to us, we write to you. Most of the SEAPOP writers are university students, but there are some (like me) who are out of school (I’m actually going back to school ha!). Lifelong learners forever. That’s dope you write to kids to stay out of trouble. That’s why I write too: to help people understand the world in a more complete way. To get as close to the truth as possible. You die when you live a lie.
I’m working on my penmanship. I used to do lightweight graffiti. I read up a bit about graphology (handwriting analysis). I’m using handwriting as a form of meditation and rumination, to keep myself in check.
Apple is dope man. They’ve created a lot of shit since the II-e.
The internet can be real cool and useful. I use it to learn new shit mainly. But I waste a lot of time on it, like most people. Just window shopping for life, when you should just go out and live. Everybody got smartphones now (basically cell phones with internet and cameras). I’m trying to spend less time looking at my smartphone and more at nature, people, dogs, cute shit. I like talking to my friends in person, face to face. I like seeing my mom laughing. It’s cool to be able to get whatever I want on a computer but I got what I need: my health, my family and friends, and water. Eggs too. Eggs and rice. And a donut. I ain’t gonna front. I fucking love glazed donuts.
I’m glad you are able to have a Bic pen homie.
People used to call me Jim-Dogg. I used to call myself “Jim” after Jim Lee, my favorite comic book artist. It’s hard to love man. Love is one of the hardest things to do in life. You are what you love, not what loves you back. No matter how much I love, I’ll always remember one thing: the world don’t owe me shit. Unconditional love — I’m still learning how to do that.
Being Vietnamese, a touch on the arm, a $5 bill on your nightstand, the question “ăn chưa?” is love. In Vietnamese culture, action is love. There’s a book called “I love yous are for white people.” Growing up, I never had conversations with my parents or family, because I couldn’t speak any Vietnamese. Not a lick. I didn’t have Vietnamese friends growing up. When I was 15, my mom enrolled me in a Vietnamese language class on Saturdays. I went to the beginner class. It was filled with 8 year olds. I immediately felt like the meathead dumbass with little “Phuong” looking at me like I was her first crush ever. I ejected myself from that class with the quickness. For the past decade, I lived in Vietnam. So, now I can speak Vietnamese. Now, I can talk to my family. Now, I understand.
There are a lot more Vietnamese professionals in the world, which is good. It takes a generation or two to figure shit out — learn the rules, learn the customs, learn the loopholes — the biggest problem: to learn, you need to make mistakes, and some people can afford to make many mistakes and bounceback, while many only get one-shot, one chance at life. Some, many, get no chance. When you grow up in the hood, the odds are stacked against you. Life is lived at an incline. You need strong legs to stand a chance.
Man, Cambodians have gotten fucked over in our times. To be basic: Henry Kissinger illegally bombed Cambodia during the war. The Khmer Rogue were able to recruit and then, take over the country. Millions executed. Many were able to find refuge in different countries. But the young Southeast Asians get caught up in gang shit because a lot of times — that’s the only family you got. Crime is easy money, and when you broke, you hungry, you’ll do anything to survive. It’s human nature 101: to survive. A lot of Southeast Asians (Cambodians, Vietnamese, Laotian, Hmong) are getting deported back to their motherlands now too. I lived in Vietnam and Cambodia for the past 10 years and met some of the deportees. It’s fucked up. A lot of them get dropped back in with no ID card, no fluency in the native language, no money, no prospects. A lot commit suicide or work for very little. Life like dust.
My parents worked on the computer chip assembly lines. Now, they’re manicurists. I was the victim of a home invasion too, thankfully, I didn’t get shot, I was 8 years old at the time. I’ve done drugs, but nowadays, I would rather be able to do pull-ups and run a fast mile. I never had “deep” conversations with my parents, because we never had the ability. I learned about life and how to survive/thrive from other things: TV, radio, comic books, magazines, mentors in my community. I never read books or wrote — I hated writing until I started writing comedy sketches and poetry slam pieces. Now, I love reading and writing. I love being able to express how I feel or an idea, as close to its truth as possible. There’s no better feeling than doing things right.
You are not a bad person Sunny. No one is a bad person. Also, no one is a good person. Everyone is bad and good at different times in our lives, to different people. To channel Albert Einstein: “It’s all relative.” You realize and admit mistakes you made, you write to the youth to advise them. That’s respect. That’s maturity. That’s what it means to be human. This life may not give many of us second chances, but it is my belief the soul, the spirit, never ends. Like my father said: “work for tomorrow.” Tomorrow will always be there. Whether you wake up in a cell, in a California bedroom, a space station on Mars, or a hilltop in Sapa, Vietnam. There is always motion. We can always become better. To paraphrase: “If you ain’t busy growing, you busy dying.”
Here’s what I believe right now: after some time, there should always be reconsiderations. As a society, it is more beneficial to invest in youth development programs than the prison industrial complex. It’s not your mother’s fault, or your fault. Prayer is important. We should all read and write more and think before we say. Sunny, as a wise friend once said: “Control your breathing, and you control the world.”
Thank you for sharing the story of what happened that night,
Jimmy
Sunny, what do you want to know about the world? I can be your internet.
(Next: The Story of Sunny’s Crime)
